Monday, May 24, 2010

Why...

Have you ever just wondered WHY?! Why does God allow some things to happen. I lay in my bed one night and could help but wonder why? Why did God not allow for my girl to live with me forever? Why did she have to go back to her home? She was an 10-year-old Liberian girl, that had come to live with me for several months. We were so close to each other. We loved each other SOOOOOO much...WHY did she have to leave. After only two months we were attached to each other, like we had ALWAYS been together. But more important than just our love for each other, was her love for God. She loved God so much. She was living for God with all her heart...WHY couldn't she have stayed with me?! Now, I look at her, and she is a completely different person and even though I know that she is making her own choices, I ALSO know that the environment does make a difference. I know that if she had stayed with me she would have chosen the live for God...I just know that she would have...because she had changed. I had seen it!
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So I just lay there, beneath my zebra print sheets, sobbing and askin God WHY?!?! Why would you take away such a good thing? It just doesn't make any sense...I just don't get it! But as I was crying myself to sleep that night...God spoke to me. It wasn't in an audible voice, just a thought that went through my mind before I drifted off to sleep...Because of the Africans. I'm like, Huh? Because of the Africans. I'm like I don't get it, she's African herself. And then...But I didn't just call you to her, I called you to all of them. Suddenly, I felt such a relief and such a peace, cause as soon as he said that, I KNEW that he really did have a reason.
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When God said I didn't just call you to her, I called you to all them, I understood what he mean. I'm a very passionate peroson and when I love someone, I love them with all my heart. They become my total focus and I will do anything for them. I will give anything up for them and I will fight for them. And thats the way I was with this girl. I knew that if she stayed with me, things would become hostile with her family, making it difficult to go over there, but I didn't care, I was willing to give that up if it meant takin care of her forever. Plus, havin her gave me less time to spend with the others, because I had to focus on her. As I thought about it, I know that if she had stayed with me, I would have eventually stopped goin over there all together to pick kids up for church or anything that we do over there. "I didn't just call you to her"
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In fact, there were times that I remember after that, that I was so discouraged and just sooooo ready to give up, but I would push people to go over there with me, just for the chance to see her again. There were times when me and Jac would go over there and there was only ONE faithful 5-year-old girl that would come, but that would press us on. We now have a pretty faithful group that comes...
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It's not like we've had any kind of huge revival with the African people. Sometimes I still can't fully undersand or comprehend God's purpose or why he allowed that to happen. But I do feel like he wanted me to stay connected with all the African people and not just that one girl. I have a dream and a desire inside my heart, but there is nothing I can do about it, but wait, pray and keep holding on to God's call!
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So when I see those teardrops falling...
Lord Remind me of my calling...
May I NEVER run from your call!