All I ever wanted in life was to be loved. Yes I had a family, but they never really showed me love. They were never really there for me. Two years ago you wouldn’t even recognize me. I was homeless, addicted to meth and I had lost my 2-year-old son for the third time. I went to my family for help, but when I knocked on their doors I was told I was not wanted or welcomed. To feel like you’re not EVEN worth helping is one of the worst feelings you could ever feel.
One night on the streets I cried out to the Lord. Not even knowing God or if he would even listen, I asked him to change my life, to help me get my son back, to help me to get off drugs, off the streets!!! Without even realizing, God was working in my life.
About year and a half later I found myself at a Pentecostal Church. He picked me up from the gutter. Baptized me in Jesus name. He gave me a clean, white robe. He took all the dirt and shame and washed it away. He filled me with the Holy Ghost and turned every bad thing to good.
God knew how bad I wanted a real family and have to have people see the real me and really love me. God gave me a church family at North Valley Pentecostal Church. They really care about me, and what’s going on in my life. They want to help me and do not judge me for my past or hold it against me when I mess up. They welcome me with open arms and love in their eyes for their sister. I can’t put into words how this makes me feel. I have everything my heart has ever wanted.
God gave it all to me and all I had to do was knock. This time when I knocked, the door was opened and I was welcomed in. The Bible says, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Matthew 7: 7) To know that God has been waiting for me to come to him, to think that he would pick me to come to him, to give me a second chance, to look in my heart and see a good person worth saving, that astounds me. I think what could I ever do to pay him back for what he has done for me? All I can do is get to know him, talk to him, tell him everything, have a relationship with him, strive to always walk in his steps and love him.
One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible has been, James 1:17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father…” I used to think of worldly possessions that I thought would make me happy. Last night I lay awake thinking about what would make me happy and I was thinking about the right now, monetary possessions. God said, “Try again…” and I was like, hmmm… and I thought about what I am learning right now... Patience, knowledge, drawing close to him and learning to trust in him as I grow up in the Lord. I said, “Yeah, that’s good!" and God said “Yes, AND…???” I said, "AND PERFECT!”
To know that after spending ten years addicted to drugs, homeless on the streets, sleeping under bridges, in and out of jail, God still has a plan for me, means everything to me. I am so thankful to be saved. “But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth.” (Psalm 86:15)
I always thought that things, like having my own home and a husband would make me happy. However, every possession I own right now is in five mismatched suitcases from Savers, sitting in a borrowed room, yet I have never, in all my life been happier, than I am right now. Because I finally have what I’ve always wanted in life… LOVE!
Written January 21st 2011 by Kim & Mary
(sisters, roomies and BFF's)