I just want everyone to know that I have like 80 text messages to respond to from last week and I will respond to them, everything has just been such a blur!!! This isn’t the way I normally am, I’m just trying to catch my breath.
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July 16th at 1:30 am I looked at my phone and read a text that I immediately wished I hadn’t read. My brother and his wife were in the hospital and my brother had a third relapse of Leukemia. My heart immediately began pounding I knew, I just KNEW he wasn’t going to make it through this time.
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I should’ve gone and visited him in the hospital on Sunday!!! I always went on Sundays before church and visited him, we would sit together and he would have his church streaming live and we’d listen together. Buuuuuuut I was soooooo tired and I couldn’t sleep and I never went and visited him… I don’t know why!!! I think I just didn’t want to face the facts!!! I just couldn’t think about him dying even though I knew he was going to this time!!!
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By Monday the leukemia had taken over his brain and I talked to him but I wish I had talked to him on Sunday!!! Then Tuesday came and he was weaker and by three he was gone! Two weeks prior to that Sunday his blood work came back normal and without cancer. Two weeks ago he was asking me how make my tacos and then I blinked and he was GONE!!!
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! Part of me will forever regret not not going there on Sunday and another part of me is glad he wasn’t forced into telling us all goodbye! It was his greatest fear that one day he would break our hearts and die! I’m glad he wasn’t left with the choice of having to see the grief and pain on our faces!!! All he knows is joy now.
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We will ofteb feel guilt about the way things happened and what could’ve or should’ve happened when someone we love died!!! If I had only known, I would’ve done…. Whatever…. Buuuuuuut just know that God already knew exactly how it would happen and when you’re living for him, everything that happens, happens within his will!!!
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And don’t worry, Classic Mary Moments isn’t going anywhere!!! John loved my blog and would sometimes let me know if he had read something at the hospital 🏥 usually when I was bragging about cooking better than him!!! 😇! Anyways, things will get back to normal, I’m just catching my breath as I grieve!!! So it’s gonna be a lot about my brother for the next few weeks till the funeral is over!!!
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Love you all!!! Thank you for the prayers and support!!! I’m so, so, so, SOOOOOOOOO THANKFUL for the family of God!!!
♥Mary Frances :)
