Several weeks ago at the end of Bro. Brown's Bible College Class on Man's Wisdom, Bro. Brown was talking about the mind of God. And he was talking about how we as humans can't fully understand the ways of God. He said that God doesn't value the same things that we as humans value. For example, the Bible clearly states in Psalm 116:15 "Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints."
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And Bro. Brown was talking about how we as humans, WILL NEVER VALUE DEATH!!! He said it doesn't matter who it is and how old they are, its always sad to us, and MAYBE, if its an elder person, to some degree we may think of it as precious, but at the same time we are still SAD about it...no matter what we're still gonna miss that person... And he went on to say that we'll NEVER see the death of a young saint as precious...YET...the Bible clearly states that GOD THINKS its PRECIOUS!!! Because God doesn't think like we do. God doesn't value life...humans do!
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He said that God is God and we may not always understand him, but he is STILL GOD!!! He said that we've got to get the mind of God IN US. I can't remember the EXACT scripture he used, but I am pretty sure it was, Philippians 2:5, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:" And I can't remember exactly how all he said it, but he said something along the lines that its not normal or natural for us to think like God, but that we have to pray and ask him to put his mind in us.
Weeeelll I really liked what he was saying but I didn't realize just how quickly I would be needing to use it in my own life. As class was ending I got a phone call from Esther, the girl that I've been PRAYING AND PRAYING AND PRAYING FOR!!! And she is like upset, she comes from a HORRIBLE home life and she calls and is just like, Can I come over to your place for the night, I've got to get out of here I can't take it anymore...and like I know that she is totally depressed. So I call my sister and she is just like yeah lets go get her.
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So she is just real quiet when she comes over. Doesn't really say much at all. We read the Bible together and then she just goes to sleep...like thats all she wants is a peaceful place to sleep. And of course I don't fall asleep right away...I'm just layin their thinkin. And I'm thinkin about how almost exactley four years ago this girl was living with me and I'm thinkin about how different her life and my life would be if she had stayed. And as i'm layin there, i'm thinkin about how WHAT IF, she moves back, what if it works out...she has been sayin that she wants to get her life back in order and I know that she would have to fight her Grandma AGAIN...but just WHAT IF it works...THAT WOULD BE...
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And a part of me is like, THAT WOULD BE SOOOO AWESOME!!! SOOOO COOOOL!!! SUCH A MIRACLE FROM GOD!!!!! And then the OTHER part of me is just like...that would be SUCH A RESOPONSIBILITY!!! I mean, I KNOW I could do it...I did it BEFORE...but I also know that there would be some sacrifices. It would mean LESS money for me to spend on ME!!! I might not be able to go to some of the conferences i've been planning to go too!!! I probabley won't be able to get that one new outfit AND FORGET ABOUT....
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FINDING A HUSBAND!!! LOLOL!!! I mean, I have THREE BROTHER'S and I KNOW, that their ain't NO GUY, (thats not a creeper, weirdo, or total goober) especially any that i've been lookin at, that is gonna want a woman that is attached with a 14-year-old, African refugee, from a broken home and a pretty messed up life. AND with good understanding of WHY they wouldn't want to...I mean, its not normal to just feel fatherly instincts to a 14-year-old, especially when your still in your 20's yourself...just doesn't make sense!!!
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AND even though I did it before, I'm thinkin, do I REALLY want to give up the life that I have right now? I mean four years ago, i'm not sayin I had a bad life, BUUUUT things were just DIFFERENT for me...I was overcoming some stuff and I didn't have quite as much going for me back then as I do right now.! I mean I have a GOOOOD LIFE!!! To be honest, my life right now, is BETTER than it was 4 years ago. I'm happier, I'm healthier, I'm closer to God, and I have more friends...
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I mean I'm just gonna be honest...I don't know if you all knew this, BUUUUUUUUUT, I really, really, REALLLLLY ENJOY SOCIALIZING!!! ;) And I KNEW that this is gonna cut in BIG TIME on my just meandering around from one person to another at events and conferences...because HEEEEY when your a mom, your first priority, (aside from your husband, and obviousley I don't have one, but can you tell i've been in Ladies of Legacy like 20 times? Cuz igot it DOWN...LOL) is YOUR CHILDREN!!!
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So i'm sitting there and ALL these thoughts are just whirling around in my mind...Clothes, Friends, Guys, Money, my future, marriage, socializing, youth conferences and then I look over at Esther, just laying there sleeping, and I touched her cheek...I started thinking about HOW LONG I have waited for this girl to live for God, for all the prayers i have prayed, the tears I have shed...
and God just began to talk to me in my mind...
He just said,"Do you REALLY WANT IT?! Do you REALLY want her to live for God?" And I'm just like, WEEEEELLL yeah...I mean, God YOU KNOW, how much I want her to live for God...I mean I would DO ANYTHING to see her live for you Lord, 'Really Mary ANYTHING??? ANYTHING??? Like maybe some clothes and your social life...I'm like AWWWW MAN!!! I just...I just...and I realized, yeah I want her to live for God, I just don't REALLY WANT to have to give anything up to see that happen!!!
So I put my hand her back and realization just hit HOME to me...THIS IS A SOUL!!! This hurting, lost person, that DESPERATELY needs JESUS!!! I just started rubbing her back and I said, "GOD, HELP ME!!! Help me to NOT think about all those things that I have been thinking about!"
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NOT that they were even bad things that I had dwelling on, I mean, we're talking about good, Godly, MODEST, feminine, Apostolic clothes, we're talking about, GOOD, on fire for God, Apostlic guys, we're talking about GOOD conferences...just the NORMAL things that an Apostolic young person thinks about...BUUUUUT, I said God HELP ME!!!
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Help me to be WILLING to make the sacrifice. Help me to stop dwelling on myself and to dwell on the things of God. I said God, I don't know what your will is at this moment, but as we begin making choices and we begin discussing stuff, GIVE ME YOUR MIND on the matter. Don't let me base my decisions on my own human desires...help me to say NOT MY WILL...Let YOUR mind be in me Jesus. Because on my own, and in myself, with my own human desires I can't do it...BUT LORD, help me to think the way you think... I was just pouring my heart out to God...
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And I just started thinking about EVERYTHING that Jesus did for us...I mean, He came to this world with only ONE purpose and that was for OUR SALVATION...he put it all aside for us...he died SINGLE...and mean even though I TOTALLY still want to get married, in the end DOES IT REALLY EVEN MATTER? Even as i'm sitin here, in my FLESH I'm like, Uh yeah...it TOTALLY DOES!!! BUT, when you think about eternity and when we ALL GET TO HEAVEN...and we FINALLY SEE JESUS...and you see the souls that are there WITH YOU...because of your sacrifices in this life...
will it REALLY MATTER???
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"Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:"
(Philippians 2:4-5)
(Philippians 2:4-5)
♥Mary Frances :)
