Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Does it hurt???

"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
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"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
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"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
(The Velveteen rabbit)
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Does being single HURT??? Sometimes, A LOT of the time, MOST OF THE TIME, the right decision HURTS!!! I'll never forget my mom telling me that during a decision making time in my life. She said,  you know Mary, sometimes the right thing isn't the easy thing! And one thing I've also learned is that sometimes the will of God hurts. It JUST HURTS! Plain and simple...HURTS!!! This singles week, I wanted to take some time to share with you all a time where choosing to obey God in my singleness HURT!
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I was in the bridal hotel room as the final preperations for the wedding were being made."Mary, can you go hand these bouteneirs out to the grooms men? said one of the bridal attendents as they were helping the bride get ready for her big day.  I was like, SURE, more than willing to go check out the groomsmen that would be in the wedding that day. I felt, very blessed to have this early opportunity to scan them out before all the other girls. I only planned on taking a quick glimpse as I dropped off the bouteniers.
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However, as I walked into the waiting room that the groomsmen were in, my eyes immediatley connected with a certain groomsman that was there. Tall, dark and handsome, he smiled at me, I smiled back. We just stood there smiling at each other. It was like one of those unreal moments in a story, where two people just look at each other and immediatley "Just Know!" Knew that they are INTERESTED in each other. We just kept smiling at each other without even introducing ourselves. Finally, I remembered WHY I was there, to drop off the bouteniers...soooo I dropped them off and left. Ooooo I could NOT EVEN WAIT for the reception of this wedding.
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After the wedding was over, him and I immediatley found each other, introduced ourselves and began chatting it up. He was so much fun and so full of life. The next day at church I watched him playing an instrument on the platform. I watched him as he worshipped God whole heartedly. After church I heard him talking to his friends about me. What he said made my heart flip, he didn't say I was pretty, or even beautiful. He said to his friends, "When Mary walks in, its like she lights up the whole room with her smile!" Like talk about the ultimate AWWW for my heart to hear!
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Right away, him and I began communicating with each other. I thought for sure he HAD to be THE ONE. But as we began communicating, I soon realized that there was differences. Big differences. Yes he lived for God! He was solid! He was Pentecostal! He believed the doctrine! He had the Holy Ghost! He loved God! Buuuuuuut there was differences. Differences that did NOT match up with my convictions. I knew in my heart that it wasn't God's will... They say that when its right "You JUST KNOW!" Weeeeeeellllll...I can only say thus for that when its NOT right, I JUST KNOW!!! ANNNNND I just knew this young man wasn't right for me...I just KNEW! I knew there would be people that would say it wasn't a big deal, people that would say I could make him change...buuuut I just KNEW!!! I just knew that he was NOT the will of God for my life.
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Sure we could get married and I don't think he would have ever backslid, treated me bad, left me or cheated on me. Buuuuut I KNEW that if I married him, I would not be living my life for God to its fullest potential. With the miles between us, things fizzled out, I forgot about him. He began talking to another girl and I moved on to likeing more guys that I could probably even count on my fingers. A year and several months passed by and he never went through my mind. Then one day I checked my email and GASPED, he had emailed me!!!
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My heart FLIPPED!!! Awwww sigh, he was soooooooo HANDSOME!!! It was just a friendly hi! I thought, I'll just say hi back...THATS IT!!! However, God felt like that was a good moment to remind me, I THOUGHT YOU WERE HIDING IN ME MARY!?!?! I'm like, BUUUUT whats the big deal if I JUST SAY HI back??? I don't want to be rude, I'm just being friendly... I still KNEW that he wasn't right for me, its not like I was going to change my mind by just saying HI BACK!!! God reminded me that MY EMOTIONS could get involved annnnnnnnnnnnnd once your emotions get involved, YOU STOP MAKING RATIONAL DECISIONS, even when you know what's right!!! 
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I was like Awwww man thats right! A day went by and I didn't respond! Then I was like, OH NO, WHAT IF, he really is going through something and needs a FRIEND??? Ooooo the strings on my Mar Bear heart were sooooooooo BEING tugged on!!! God quickley reminded me that, IF for some reason this guy was INDEED going through something,  the BEST way I could be a "FRIEND" to him was NOT by talking to him, buuuuuut BY PRAYING FOR HIM!!! Sooooooo I DID!!!
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That was at the beginning of that year. Although I was tempted, I didn't respond. The weeks passed by and turned into a month, then two months, I was like SOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF!!! I'm like, I DID IT!!! And I didn't ever say this thought out loud, I just thought it one day in my mind. ONE DAY LATER...I checked my email and he had emailed me AGAIN!!! Altho, I had never responded to his FIRST email HE was emailing me AGAIN!!! I was like WHAAAAAT??? Annnnnd to be perfectly honest, I don't think it was THE DEVIL but more of a test from God! I mean, I hadn 't even said it out loud and only God knows our thoughts...
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Just another friendly hi, asking if I remembered him. I was like SERIOUSLEY GOD???? Do you know how hard this is for me??? Do you know how hard it is at my age, to STILL BE SINGLE and a good looking guy wants to email you??? Did I mention that he was HANDSOME??? A guy that you felt sparks for the moment you saw him? A guy with talent that thinks your smile brightens the whole room. God do you know how hard this is, to know that almost all of my closest friends are in commitments or talking to someone and I just gave up what, IN MY EYES, looks like my last hope of finding a husband. To know that, most people would probabley think I was DUMB for not giving it a chance...
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I didn't tell very many people at all about him...Didn't want to hear people's opinions...they didn't matter anyways, I KNEW what was THE RIGHT decision. I  went to conference that summer and cried and cried and cried at the alter. It hurts God, buuuuuut I'm NOT giving in . It hurts, buuuuuut I'm staying strong. It hurts buuuut I'm surrendering my will to you! It hurts, buuuut My heart is HIDDEN in you Jesus. 
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Wouldn't it be soooooooo NICE if I could tell you all that at the conference I met ANOTHER guy, a guy that WAS the will of God for my life? Wouldn't that give us all a warm fuzzy feeling? I mean, it SURE would give me one...HAHA...buuuuuuut HERE I AM...Still SINGLE...STILL OBEYING GOD!!! ANNNNNNNND it hurts...Yes, you guys I can tell you openly and honestly, the RIGHT CHOICE and obeying the will of God DOES HURT,  buuuuuuuuuuuut...
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept."
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We are living in a world that doesn't know what REAL love even is because there are few that are WILLING to wait for it! They want LOVE but they don't want to have to hurt to get the REAL deal! They don't want to have to go through the process, they want it INSTANT like everything else that happens at the snap of our fingers! However real LOVE can NOT be zapped in the microwave. As Bro. White told us young people at our church youth rally, "ONLY GOD, can put Godly, romantic love, in the heart of a young man and young woman, that WILL LAST A LIFE TIME!"
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I've told God before, as you are writing my love story, and it all comes together and is unfolded, let me know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was YOU that wrote it and that no one else stuck their pen in the story! I WANT TO KNOW that it was YOU!!!  Real love takes time. Real love takes a process, BUUUUT it can't be processed through a machine, and rolled across a conveyor belt.  Even the "Christian" romance novels these days are about a dime a dozen. Its the same, unrealistic love story over and over and over again. God wants to write  YOU an individual, personal one-of-a-kind love story that is like NO OTHER story that has ever been written.
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Maybe you wondering like the velveteen rabbit? Does waiting on God hurt? Seeking the will of God for my life, um like, does it hurt? Letting God write my love story, is this going to be PAINFUL? Yes my friends, it DOES hurt!  buuuuuuuut  in THE END, the reward will BE WORTH IT!!! Anyone can get a manufactured romance story. Buuuuut like the old skin horse tells the velveteen rabbit, i'll tell you this, I don't mind being hurt, BECAUSE, I want REAL LOVE!
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"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled. "The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”  
My friends, we can have a REAL love story. IF we'll be patient NOW and allow ourselves the pain of waiting, of obedience in our singleness, the hurt of surrendering to God our love stories, the result, the reward, will be REAL LOVE. Real, Godly, romantic LOVE that will last a lifetime!
"It lasts for always.”  

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."
 (Galations 6:10)
♥Mary Frances :)